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Creepy toys list for New Times’ Cultist blog

Childhood should be a time of innocence, joy, and wonder. But for generations, toy-makers have tortured impressionable children with the likes of terrifying playthings that would strike fear into the heart of Chuck Norris himself.

One such toy, the Furby, is making a modern-day return to toy-store shelves. (We weep for children everywhere.)

In honor of the furry little freak’s plan to creep out a whole new generation of wee ones, we’ve procured a collection of the scariest toys from our childhoods that would make even Superman shudder.

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Conscious Travel, Events

Miami New Times event preview

When it comes to South Florida, what we lack in hills and valleys we make up for in stunning scenery. So why not take in a bit of that blue-skied beauty with a Key Biscayne Bike Adventure? This two-wheeled jaunt will give you an up-close and personal glimpse of our city’s picturesque barrier island. Let naturalist guides regale you with tales of the island’s history.

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Events

Yelp event review

There are three types of people: those who dig art and know a lot about it, those who dig art and know nothing about it, and those who don’t give a mierda either way.

I am of the second persuasion.

I can sum up my philosophy on the art I like with the wise words of Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart:  “I know it when I see it,” (Ok, so he was mostly referring to porn, but the dude had a way with words).

The art-educated (IE, the people who know Britto actually isn’t Miami’s most brilliant citizen) and the art ignorant can walk the streets together, cocktails in hand, Instagram apps poised and ready. The galleries open their doors, showcase their wares and ply Miamians with luscious libations.

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Events

Yelp event review

Hippies, rejoice. The free love, free hugs, free spirited days of the Woodstock era are alive and well (even in Miami). Every month, as the pie in the sky reaches its full glory, dozens of offbeat Miamians gather to dance, drink, drum and bask in the joy of living on a remote stretch of North Beach.

As the drums start to beat, get up to groove. Interpretive dance is the gist of it, so wave your arms, hop around, shake your tail-feather; lose your inhibitions. As Johnny Castle once said, feeeeeel the music. Get liberated.

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Celebrities, Plant-Based Food & Drink

Restaurant preview for New Times’ Short Order blog

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A Southern fried New York favorite is about to become the newest member of Mary Brickell’s culinary scene. Say “Welcome y’all” to Brother Jimmy’s, a wildly popular barbecue joint and bar with locations across the Big Apple and the Caribbean.

It’s been a NYC mainstay since 1989, with six locations across the city. Epitomized by the slogan, “Put Some South in Yo’ Mouth”, it serves up classic barbecue, potent cocktails and an often-rowdy all-American experience.

We spoke with founder James Goldman, a mega-fan of the Magic City. One of his favorite things about our city? “Miami women love their meat.” Indeed.

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Celebrities

Author interview for New Times’ Cultist blog

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According to authorities, there’s a good chance that last week’s face-eating incident was the result of mind-altering drugs. (Just say no, kids.)

But according to the rest of us, it may signal the beginning of an inevitable threat Hollywood has warned us about for years: a zombie apocalypse. (Just ask The Miami zombie.)

Naturally, we’re all a little concerned that the undead may choose our sunny paradise as their next city of smorgasbord. After all, the heat is nice and lubricating for their stiff limbs.

So, in the interest of being prepared, we spoke to zombie expert Jonathan Maberry, author of Zombie CSU: The Forensics of the Living Dead on how best to survive a zombie apocalypse. Y’know, just in case.

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Plant-Based Food & Drink

Restaurant review for DinnerReviews.com

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Vegetarian fare is in a genre all its own, with nuances, flavors and textures that differ significantly from omnivorous edibles. Some establishments succeed at mastering these distinctions and exploring the creative use of vegetables – and some fail, simply piecing together uninspired meatless substitutes. Yuga, an Asian restaurant dining experience is tucked away on a Coral Gables side street, and is a treasure trove of options for the curious vegetarian looking to indulge in new taste sensations. They cover all other genres of Asian-styled comestibles as well, including meats, fish and a whole host of other options.

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